I’ve done all the dumb things

Well, not really. But I have done a few, and they’re always worth a laugh. Some of you who know me well are already aware of some of these, but others should find it quite entertaining.

1. I once introduced myself as someone else.

I think it was because I was shopping for wedding dresses and couldn’t handle the excitement. I accidentally introduced myself as Soul Sister, and then, laughing hysterically, stupidly corrected myself, which I think was more embarassing than getting it wrong in the first place.

2. I sent out invitations to Bookworm’s 6th birthday party with no date and the wrong phone number.

The poor man whose phone number I accidentally used got pretty sick of accepting RSVPs to a party that noone had any idea of when it was going to be on.

3. I forgot my honeymoon bag on the morning of my wedding.

Everyone had already left for the church and so the chauffeur had to break in through a window to get it.  My colleagues at the time were very impressed by this, and even gave me a special award for the occasion:

4. More wedding craziness – I got my lefts and rights confused when writing the instructions for how to get to the church for my wedding.

I dilgently put these instructions into every wedding invitation. So the day before the wedding we had to drive around putting big signs up on telegraph poles telling people the right way to go.

5. I sat on a fork.

Little Miss had left it a dessert fork sticking up out of the couch cushions and after collapsing onto said couch it got stuck in my butt like a pitchfork on a cartoon character. I had to get a tetanus injection, and the doctor told me he thought it was so funny he told all his friends at a dinner party.

6. I tried to go to Leichhardt for dinner and ended up in Rose Bay.

Still not sure how that happened, but we had a really nice dinner where we ended up.

7. Lost my wallet in the cinema.

I guess lots of people have done this but what makes it embarrassing is when I rang the cinema to see if it had been found, the girl said, “What name, please?” I went on for ages saying things like, “Oh, I really don’t know, not sure, do people actually know? I can’t remember…”. There was a strange, difficult silence, wherein I realised she wasn’t asking me for the brand of the wallet, she was asking me what MY name was (which, incidentally, this time I knew).

8. Lost: more things than I could ever count.

Including my wedding ring. I think it joined a dancing troupe along with all my earrings and bobby pins. On a side note, we NEVER have matching socks in our house. EVER. Picasso complained about this the other day and I just said, “sorry buddy, we’re just an odd-sock family.”

9. I miss trains because I am reading on the platform.

I honestly don’t notice them stopping or leaving.

10. When I was waitressing my hand got tired, so without realising I rested a boiling hot plate of food on a man’s bald head.

Needless to say, I don’t waitress anymore.

11. I parked my car and sat reading the paper as I was a bit early. I only realised I had forgotten the hand brake when I banged into the car parked on the opposite side of the car park.

Awkward. Left the guy a note.

12. Was entranced by the sight of a carpet of Jacaranda petals lying on the grass at the local park. While wandering around on them and enjoying their beauty a bee flew up my trousers and stung me on the behind.

It really hurt.

13. Received an email from a colleague once that I thought was quite mean. Emailed their manager to complain, then realised I’d accidentally hit “reply” instead of “forward”.

Technology gaffes are some of the worst, in my opinion.

I think I’ll stop there for now 🙂

6 thoughts on “I’ve done all the dumb things

  1. Clare

    HAHAAAAA!! Classic!

    #11 reminds me of the time I “parked” my car in the driveway, in neutral, without the park brake, (who would do such a thing) and got out to check the letterbox , leaving the driver’s door open… While standing at mailbox perusing mail, I heard a rolling kind of sound, and looked up to see my car whoosh past me, backwards down the sloping driveway, across the road, and into the neighbour’s garden…. thankfully said garden sloped upwards enough to stop the progress of the car, so it could then roll back down to the road again (forwards this time), back across the road and back into my upwards-sloping driveway… Unfortunately I missed my opportunity to jump in the open door on this first return journey, but happily after my car had rolled backwards once again across the road, and crumpled the neighbour’s flowerbed for a second time, it began to lose a little of its momentum… I was able to then catch it and jump into the driver’s seat somewhere in the middle the car’s pendulum-like journey, and regain some semblance of control and dignity

    I should also mention that I live on the bend of a steep mountain road , and was mighty thankful that (a) nothing came around the bend during this potentially deadly process, (b) the car did not roll down the mountain, and (c) nobody saw…. I hope…

  2. Fin

    Am having trouble suppressing my giggles on the train! Oh the mental images!! Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, when i was little i befriended a hermitt crab on an island and for some reason decided to kiss it goodbye when leaving. One of my less intelligent moves…

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